Schedule Spontaneous Sex

Do it for you!

Schedule Spontaneous Sex

Schedule Spontaneous Sex

Try to remember that sex is physical and emotional insurance for your life together, and it is well worth investing in. There are so many positive benefits of having sex—things that benefit you directly—such as bolstering your immune system, getting exercise and losing weight (it’s so much more fun than the treadmill!), as well as keeping you feeling emotionally fulfilled because it is one of the ultimate ways to connect with your partner. Try to move the emphasis from doing it for the other person back to doing it for you and everyone will benefit.

You can’t imagine that it will ever happen to you—that your desire for your partner will be replaced by disappointment, resentment and anger. But feeling burdened by or unhappy with your partner can take its toll on your sex life. So what can you do to safeguard against this? Here are a few tools that can help. As you work your own needs back into the equation, you just might like what you find and you’ll be better able to stop letting your anger get in the way of a great sex life.

Schedule Spontaneity!

More often than not, that spontaneity we all crave happens at the beginning of a relationship when all you want to do is fall in love and fall into bed, and everything else falls to the wayside. But that moment in time can’t last forever, and the everyday needs and tasks of life start to creep back in—work, children, keeping up a house, making dinner, checking on a parent. So many things to think about and do. Still, everyone wants that feeling of being swept away and leaving everything else behind. Considering what stands in the way of that, the reality is that it rarely happens unless you plan it. We plan dinners out and other activities that we enjoy. Why not plan to be sexually spontaneous with your partner? If you decide that you will spend an hour together on Saturday afternoon, or on Tuesday morning right after you drop the kids off at school, then you can make sure all the things you absolutely have to do are done, and you can allow yourself to not think about them for that hour or so you’ve set aside. It also gives you an opportunity to look forward to being with your lover in the same way you looked forward to it when you were first dating. Think of it as mental foreplay. And once you reach your planned date, don’t worry about anything else—those dishes can wait!

Just Do It For You!

Somewhere along the way of your growing relationship, having sex can shift from being about your own desire and wanting to share that with your partner to feeling that it is something you must do. It moves from being a choice to feeling like it really isn’t a choice anymore, and that can breed resentment. When making love starts to feel like a responsibility, it means you’ve stopped considering yourself and what you need and now are thinking only about what your partner needs. Try to remember that sex is physical and emotional insurance for your life together, and it is well worth investing in. There are so many positive benefits of having sex—things that benefit you directly—such as bolstering your immune system, getting exercise and losing weight (it’s so much more fun than the treadmill!), as well as keeping you feeling emotionally fulfilled because it is one of the ultimate ways to connect with your partner. Try to move the emphasis from doing it for the other person back to doing it for you and everyone will benefit.

Say Yes And Take A Rain Check!

Think of it this way: it is so rare that two people want the exact same thing at the exact same time. Maybe you are hoping for a big pizza dinner, but your wife had a huge business lunch and just wants a salad tonight. Or maybe you wanted to have burgers tonight, but your husband’s office treated everyone to steaks for lunch and it’s the last thing he wants. On those occasions, you probably compromise— maybe you’ll have a salad tonight and plan a big pizza dinner for over the weekend. It’s the same thing with sex; presumably you both want it at some point, but maybe not at the exact same time, or maybe one of you wants it more often than the other. Many times people just say no and leave it at that. But instead of saying you’re not in the mood (and leaving your partner to feel undesirable (or to wonder if it is something they’ve done), say yes, you would love to, but maybe not tonight. How about tomorrow? Or, maybe you can compromise, do a little something tonight and more over the weekend when you are both relaxed. Sex doesn’t have to be the whole thing all the time. You can offer options: I’ll help you get off, but I’m really not in the mood tonight. If you are the one delaying it, make sure your partner knows you want to, just not at that minute.

Embrace The Moment!

How often has your partner come up behind you and given you a hug that makes you think: sex might be nice right now. But then you realize you haven’t showered yet, or closed all the windows for the night, or responded to all those emails just waiting there for you. So you gently push off the advances, thinking you can get back to that later, after everything else is done. The problem is, not only is that moment of excitement long gone by the time you return to it, but your partner might feel unwanted and rejected in the meantime. Whatever you are doing to take care of things so you can relax better can be a put off to the other person. Think of it this way: if you are at a party and your favorite song comes on, you wouldn’t finish eating, carefully fold your napkin, take another drink and risk getting out onto the dance floor with only the last notes of that song left. No, you’d jump up, grab your partner’s hand, enjoy dancing to the song and get back to everything else after. Sometimes life gets in the way of the moment, and in letting that happen you let the passion evaporate. The next time your partner gives you that romantic snuggle, go with the flow. Try to see if your sex doesn’t sizzle a little more because you stepped into the passion while it was burning hot.

Schedule Spontaneous Sex Dr Greer

Schedule Spontaneous Sex Dr Greer



Dr. Jane Greer is a nationally known marriage and family therapist, author, radio host and SHRINK WRAP celebrity commentator, media consultant and contributor to the Huffington Post. She is the author of several books, and her newest is What About Me? Stop Selfishness From Ruining Your Relationship. Connect with Dr. Greer on Facebook, and follow @DrJaneGreer on Twitter for her latest insights on love, relationships, sex and intimacy.

comments powered by Disqus